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Scared to enjoy life

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Dear brothers and sisters please take the time to read this im sure some will relate

I went through a stage a year ago where I became very religious started reading koran and praying and fasting during ramadan. This happened because I felt the strength and knowledge of Allah within me and it came from within me, it felt natural and right. I was not just simply trying to follow islam by practising, it came from within me. I know not everyone will know this feeling and there are others that will but i havn't found a friend who has felt the same as I did during this period which is why I am posting.

During this period of time i felt strong both physically and mentally, I was happy, motivated and felt self-worth. I felt as if Allah was showing me the way and guiding me through life. I was no longer worried about partying/drinking and going out, I didn't worry about chasing girls or any other things that are harm or unnecessary. This didnt bother me I was happy content and humble within myself. Everything in life was going great and my iman was strong.

Eventually I start to fill with self doubt and started questioning myself and my true identity. I started loosing interest in things that I used to like and became very anxious and depressed. I withdrew from society and my family and was unable to be around people. The situation was extremely bad and I lost that feeling of iman from within me. I continued to pray asking Allah for forgiveness from my sins and to protect me from and my family from evil. I would stay up all night praying and crying and ask Allah to help me to let go of my feelings of guilt and shame and to allow me to be reighteous again.

I have also moved away from my family for the past 3 years to study and live in conditions that were not comfortable for me. I feel weak bacause there are so many others doing the same thing but it seems like they can handle it the situation better than me

My situation has gotten a little better and I am improving a lot but through over the past two years of feeling down and out I have stopped praying and reading koran because I began to feel as if I was forcing myself to do it and that felt wrong. Now that i'm starting to feel better again I want to start going out and doing things but I always second guess myself and say shouldn't I turn back to Allah and thank him for helping me through this hard time. I feel as if i can't go out and enjoy life again because the things that seem "enjoyable" are mostly harm such as those I mentioned earlier. I dont know if I am using these things being haram as an excuse for not doing or if i'm not doing them because I am too anxious or unsure of myself to do so. It's like i'm stuck between whats right and wwhats wrong and I just dont do anything because i'm too scared to choose a path to go down if that makes sense.

I have so many question but dont know who to talk to
asked Nov 16, 2014 in Others by jimS (120 points)

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